What is your relationship with money?

My first relationship with money was linked to sweets but the first strong relationship was based on music and records. Friendships were forged around music. And it was easier to meet girls at dances – and talk about music.  For me money was to be spent. For my parents, who remembered hardship and rationing, money was to be saved.  So I left home early to earn money as soon as I could.  I wish now that I’d gone to college or university first but in those days that option was only for a few.  I have responsibilities now and that means that most of my money isn’t my own. I still spend (too much) money on music.

The key words that characterise my relationship with money? 
Love and hate.

My one-liner regarding me and money?
You can’t take it with you when you’re gone.

My relationship with money? Interesting question. The two most important relationships in my life are the relationship I have with my parents, grandparents, brothers, and sisters: and the relationship I have with my wife and children. Both are family relationships but I experience them rather differently. But in both instances there’s a strong element of duty and obligation: lots of oughts and shoulds.  And that’s also true of my relationship with money. There’s not much choice.  Most, if not all of what I earn is earmarked before I see it – to help family members get on the housing ladder; for education; for the right kind of car; for investments; or for accounting fees to minimise tax.

The key words that characterise my relationship with money? 
Obligation; duty; always.

My one-liner regarding me and money?
Family comes first – for everything .

I’m not being funny when I say that it has mirrored my relationship with women. When I was younger it was all about ‘Now’ and maybe the next week.  Money was for having fun. When I got married my relationships changed: my relationship with alcohol; my relationship with work; my relationship with my mum and dad (who became grandparents); my relationship with my mates, and, of course, my relationship with money. Money decisions now are made with my wife and our priority is the kids. But the situation is complicated because different family members have different ideas of what they’re entitled to and what their family obligations are. And we don’t all agree on who is a family member and who isn’t.

The key words that characterise my relationship with money? 
Kids. Family. Complicated.

My one-liner regarding me and money?
Too much money left at the end of my month.

My mum was a single parent so money was always tight when I was a kid, and at school it was clear that me and my brother were from a fairly poor background because the other kids had clothes and toys that we couldn’t afford.  What made it worse, I suppose, was that my mum thought that money was something that men did not women.  When I was in my teens I realised that 1989 had been a year of Great Change – the Berlin Wall came down; we saw demos in Tiananmen Square. In my mind ‘Girl Power’ and pulling down walls sort of went together.  I didn’t want to rely on a man or marriage for money and I set up my own business.  That’s the best decision I ever made.

The key words that characterise my relationship with money? 
Take charge. Use it.

My one-liner regarding me and money?
My money set me free…

I’d describe my relationship with money as volatile. Come to think of it, I’d describe all my relationships as volatile.  When my boyfriend and I argue he accuses me of being a drama queen and high maintenance; I accuse him of being a bit boring and sensible. These differences are why we row and why we value each other. Without me he’d let anxiety about money dominate his life to the extent that he’d stop living. Without him I’d just spend, spend, spend and end up in financial trouble. So it’s not really my relationship with money that we’re talking about: it’s my relationship with my boyfriend that has the relationship with money. We’re a team.

The key words that characterise my relationship with money? 
Volatile. Boyfriend-assisted.

My one-liner regarding me and money?
We never seem to spend much time together.

My relationship with money has been a lot more straightforward than my relationships with people. You know where you stand with money. It may not be PC to say so, but I do judge myself and others based on what we earn and what we spend it on. The saying: “A cynic knows the price of everything and the value of nothing” is fluff and nonsense. I work hard for my money and I feel good signalling my success to the outside world. If somebody says he/she’s not really interested in money he/she is either a liar, a loser or both.  When my wife and I divorced it became clear to me that you don’t really know someone well until you know how they’ll behave when money is involved.

The key words that characterise my relationship with money? 
Success. Status. Power.

My one-liner regarding me and money?
When I was young I thought that money would make me happy. I was right.

Most people would consider me lucky because I inherited quite a bit of money when my mother died.  But that’s proved to be a mixed blessing. First, it’s difficult to figure out how much time and effort should go in to holding on to what I’ve got and how much to building a career: and second, I’m constantly pestered by (envious and manipulative) relatives who, for some reason, think they’re entitled to it. I’m not knocking financial security – it’s great not having to worry about paying the bills or the mortgage every month – but I often wonder who’s in control in my life: me or the money. With the benefit of hindsight I would have liked to have spoken to my parents more about this when they were alive.

The key words that characterise my relationship with money? 
Awkward. Complicated. Difficult.

My one-liner regarding me and money?
When you’ve a lot of family money you’ll soon find you’ve a lot of family.

I suppose my most important relationship has been the one I’ve had with my parents. It was based on trust (by me of them) and commitment (by them to me and my sisters). Most people might talk about love here but I’m not quite sure what it means in this context.  My relationship with money is nothing like that: nor is it like friendship: it’s more of a contractual relationship – a bit like the agreement I have with my employer. “I’ll do this for you for this long, and in return you’ll do this for me.” It’s a marriage of convenience that is subject to change. Important but not deep or durable. What makes it complicated is that some family members think they have a say when they don’t.

The key words that characterise my relationship with money? 
Contract. Pragmatism. Family.

My one-liner regarding me and money?
It creates as many problems as it solves.

I know that there’s a well-known saying, “I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor: rich is better” but I’ve been rich and poor as well, and I think I’m better off now for having had both experiences.  I was rich (my income comfortably exceeded my outgoings) for many years and I travelled on the Orient Express, the Blue Train, and Concorde. I stayed at The George V in Paris and The Peninsular in Hong Kong. Fantastic.  But my circumstances took a sudden change for the worse and I was on the verge of bankruptcy. That made me have long-overdue conversations about money with other members of my family, and it was only when times were hard that I really found out who my friends were. 

The key words that characterise my relationship with money? 
Ups and downs: now approaching equilibrium.

My one-liner regarding me and money?
Money and me: for a while we were close then we lived apart.

I’ve had two very different relationships with money and they’ve been tied up with the changing fortunes of my parents. When I was in my teens we were a normal family. My mum and dad both worked and life was comfortable. Then dad lost his job and after a year hadn’t found a new one.  Then one day mum and dad got the family around the kitchen table and explained that they were going to sell the house, move out of London and start their own (garden centre) business.  It made me feel rather grown up.  Most of my friends felt entitled to a lot of things and had no idea what the cost was to their parents. I like being involved in the family business. Self reliance feels good – and it’s been good for the family as well.

The key words that characterise my relationship with money? 
Money’s about family rather than individuals.

My one-liner regarding me and money?
Cash is king and we’re its subjects.

How would I describe my relationship with money? Like a prisoner who’s let out occasionally for good behaviour. I know that all relationships have their everyday, boring aspects – commuting, keeping the flat tidy, cooking, washing up, budgeting.  But a lot of the time I feel as if the money is managing my life not me – the mortgage, the credit cards, the bills, the price rises, the impossibly complicated tax system. My partner and I can barely keep our heads above water and yet we’re on reasonably decent incomes.  So I’d say my relationship with money was a strained relationship.  It contributes more to feelings of anxiety than feelings of wellbeing. If I didn’t have a partner to help me cope, financially and emotionally, I don’t know what I’d do.

The key words that characterise my relationship with money? 
Strained. Roller-coaster.

My one-liner regarding me and money?
There’s never enough for shoes.